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YY .Friday, February 10, 2006.

its quite diff to organise my tots right now. felt tat i cant keep it inside me anymore.. tink this is gg to b the only entry where i'm gg to let everything out inside me. i realised i have been trying to act ok all the while, laughing and lame as usual but still today i felt tat i'm truly tired. when i'm feeling so tired, its not ez at all.. hav been so trying to cope with sch and hw and trg, as in i'm not enjoying either one.. i love trgs and sch was 0-k, but my body cldn't keep up with it. but i wan to improve myself! find myself reaching home so late and finishing my dinner at 10. smtimes i ate bread or instant noodles and aft tat i'll try to study and my brain will usu lag. i'll b rushing to the bus stop 10+ min away, with my breakfast in my hand early nxt morn, trying to catch the double-deck 76 where i can slp peacefully. hai its not ez.... haiz personal time is bound to be sacrificed, but to this extent? i cant b with the person i wan to be with, i cant be a gd daughter and help my mom pick the poo in the morn and do more hsew, cant be a gd owner and bring my dog for walks.... but of cos i cant b everything i wan... ah madness.. wats worse i dunno y i find tears in my eyes when i walk home and trying to act ok when i reach home so tat my mom wont find out. or i find myself stoning when i'm bathing etc. the sadness of cos wont last till the nxt day cos by then i'll b too hungry to be sad and i'll think of wat to eat and bring to sch tmr to munch munch (save$) hmm i definitely wan to be a strong girl.. haiz getting sad and tired and waking up tmr as though nth happened is not ez. but i'm not tat dumb to let myself suffer like this or i'll jus die. hopefully can find more time to study as time pass. i tink now only gd food can make me happy i must go look for gd stuff to eat. however wat seem to make me happy everyday is seeing the gals improving and sui hui becoming happier and my damily when i reach home.. and to have a so understanding **. i'm quite happy today to finally know the diff btwn a baluku and a orbakak [ i asked my phy teacher ] i tink i must buck up. kaoz this is like a self-reflection entry. malu sia



YYY
that's it
12:27 AM